Essay #1

It Wasn’t the Right Time

     Growing up it’s always been my mom and me. My dad left at a young age, so she’s always been the one I was dependent on. Although we butt heads, in the end she will always be my best friend. I never really realized how much she did for me and meant to me until she got pregnant with my brother. That’s when everything changed.

     My mom had been dating Gerry for a little over three years and his family always asked when an engagement or baby would be coming. In March, my mom found out she was pregnant. I was truly happy to hear that I would be getting a younger sibling because I always wanted one. I also liked Gerry enough that I wouldn’t mind him being around all the time. During the pregnancy, Gerry was usually at work but when he was home he’d help out my mom as much as he could.

A few months after my mom became pregnant, she noticed that she became tired easily and ran out of breath quickly. Her doctor had diagnosed her with cardiomyopathy, which I later found out that it could lead to a sudden cardiac arrest because of the irregular heartbeat. The doctor said it could be because of the pregnancy because her body needed to work to provide for the baby as well as my mother. As the months went by, I noticed how much weaker she seemed. But every time we went to see the ultrasounds of the baby, I could see how happy she was to see the baby on the screen. Yet I still couldn’t handle seeing my mom so weak because she has always been the strongest woman I know. She always has been independent and can stand her own ground. So to see her weak like this was so strange to me.

The day came in mid-October. I was in my second period class when I received a text that my brother, Christian Jayden, was born. I started crying in class because I was so happy. I had to go to the hospital the next day because the doctors needed to run some tests on my mom and the baby. My aunt picked me up to take me to the hospital. The drive seemed like it took forever because I was so excited. So many questions were running through my head; I wondered if he would like me, what he looked like, if he cried a lot, and many other questions. When we finally got to hospital, I wanted to run up down the hallway out of the elevator to see my mom. My mom was connected to an oxygen machine and my brother was in an incubator type thing to take away the yellow in his skin. I couldn’t help but stare at both of them. The baby seemed so frail and my mom looked so pale and drained. I was then reminded that my mom was still sick.

I had gone home and my mom had to stay at the hospital for two weeks because she was still sick but the baby got to go home to his grandmother’s house. Gerry stayed with her until late at night every night after work. I had found out that my mom had to stay in the hospital longer while I was in ASB class. In that class I sit in a podium overlooking the whole class and as I read the text message, I began sobbing. There was nothing I could do about it because I knew she needed to stay there to get better. Her boyfriend had picked me up one night so I could see her. I began to cry when my mom and I were alone and she asked, “Why are you crying?” with a slight smile and laugh. I told her,” Because you don’t look like yourself. You look so helpless,” I said as I stared at all the machines connected to her. She needed help doing things that she never would have needed help with before, simple things like going to the bathroom, even. The nurse walked in and my mom explained why I was crying and the nurse began to reassure me that my mom would be fine; she just needed to rest because her body was exhausted.

This was the longest time in my seventeen years of life that I had been away from my mom. And I never really knew that it would affect me so much not having her around. While she was in the hospital, I tried to go out as much as possible to keep myself busy. But there were nights were I’d sit alone in my house restless because I was scared of losing her. When she eventually came home, I tried doing anything I could to help her. It didn’t take long once she was home for her to seem her normal self again. Now she has to take a few more pills than usual to help regulate her heartbeat, blood pressure, etc. Looking back, I still get emotional because that was the lowest point that I have ever seen my mother. She seemed so vulnerable and it helps me see that I need to treat her with much better respect. Every day, I remind myself that I need to do the best I can to help her out and show her how much she means to me because tomorrow is not always promised. This was a significant event for me because it helped me realize that someone you love and hold so dearly could be gone within an instant and before that happens, you should always make them feel important.